My last session with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer, M, ended last week. I had my dental work done and can’t afford to retain her services for at least the next two months, so I am officially on my own. I have 12 strength building workout routines written down, and a bottle of water.
I feel sad.
I am nervous and my ego is telling me that I will fail. To make it more interesting, my wonderful husband has decided that he wants to go to Hawaii NEXT MONTH. It’s cheaper, it’s beautiful and we need a break. We deserve a break. BUT, I want to be fit on the beach, and I am far from that. So, we will see.
In an effort to silence the voices in my head, I went shopping over the weekend and I was saddened to see that I couldn’t find very many things. I am in between sizes right now, and I found out that shopping gives me anxiety. Like, “YAY—these fit, but I should get them bigger in case I gain my weight, right?” I did find several pairs of pants at Old Navy (size 16….which is like a 12 at Lane Bryant—haha.) But, Old Navy has weird pants…they are comfy, but not really work appropriate. I feel like a modern hippie….which is totally me on the weekends, but I can’t wear linen drawstring pants and Smocked Crinkle-Gauze Tops at work…so, why bother? I’d rather save the money and wear my baggy clothes until I am a firm 14. Good goal to write down.
Here is the problem—something in my body is “off.” I am tired all the time, I am craving sweets, I am on the pill, but pretty much skipped my period and my digestion is way off which I have to monitor closely because I have Diverticular Disease (don't google it--you'll be sorry). Before you ask me if I am prego—I am not. In fact, I am pretty sure we can’t have any more children. So, maybe I am in a funk, or maybe I am sabotaging my workouts/progress. All I know for sure is that I have been having crazy dreams and body changes for two weeks now, for no apparent reason. So, I am going to the doctor to figure that shit out in June. And until then, I refuse to get fill my prescription for that cholesterol medicine.
Could this be a little depression? I don’t know. But until I do, I will try my hardest to tread the waters of life, reason with my anxiety and sweat at the gym. It’s all I can do until this “fog” has lifted. (Wow--how EMO do I sound...this is so NOT me!)
Oh, and listening to Band of Horses while I write this doesn’t help.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
This Woman, High Cholesterol, Food and God
First, let me just say that I am so glad that I watched the Oprah episode that featured Geneen Roth, author of Women, Food and God. Watching this show unwittingly prepared me for my doctor's appointment today.
Today was my three month follow up with my doc to test my cholesterol. You can read about my first test here. So, here is how my hard work at the gym and my eating right--for the most part--hasn't paid off:
Cholesterol: 222 229 (should be under 200)
Triglycerides: 127 172 (should be under 150)
HDL (GOOD): 51 60 (should be over 50, above 60 is best)
LDL (BAD): 148 134 (Needs to be under 100)
The fact that I significatly raised my HDL and lowered my LDL is a good thing. However, the ultimate number is the three-digit one, and it went up. I will thank my father for this. It's looking as though I may have high cholesterol, which is hereditary on his side. While I am thanking his side of the family, I'd like to give a shot out to them for anxiety attacks, depression, migraines, colon cancer, diverticulitis, bad gall bladders, digestive disorders and bad knees too----ahhh, my family.
As of whenever I fill my prescription, I am going to be put on meds and seen in another three months.
Even though my family has a history of failing body parts, they also have a history of being some of the bravest, hardest-working, loving and funny people I have ever known and I wouldn't trade them for the world...unless it was Avatar, cuz that is soooo cool......
Anyways, it came as no surprise that the Oprah episode featuring the author of Women, Food and God magically appeared on my DVR last night. Visit the link and then come back and read on. I'll wait. Go ahead, I'll be right here........
That was pretty cool, huh? I am going to read this book and I am going to do the work. I am going to learn about myself because if I don't, I am going to continue to eat horribly just to fill that void. I have come too far, changed my life in too many ways to give up now. But I'll vulnerable here-- I am scared to death. Body aches and pains scare me. A tummy ache catapults my brain into thinking horrible thoughts about the colon cancer that I am sure exists. A headache makes me think of my cousin and how I too, will surely be having a stroke within 24 hours. This chest pain has me convinced that I am on the verge of a heart attack. And all I want to do is eat a big ole' tub of vanilla frosting because if I'm gonna go out--that is the way I wanna go.
I have one body and one mind and I am going to get the most out of them. So, I would like to invite you to join me. Read this book with me. Let's do the work. Let's cry together. Let's cope together. Let's end this battle once and for all. Who's in? I'm getting the book tomorrow. Are you? Let me know!
Today was my three month follow up with my doc to test my cholesterol. You can read about my first test here. So, here is how my hard work at the gym and my eating right--for the most part--hasn't paid off:
2/11/2010 5/11/2010
Cholesterol: 222 229 (should be under 200)
Triglycerides: 127 172 (should be under 150)
HDL (GOOD): 51 60 (should be over 50, above 60 is best)
LDL (BAD): 148 134 (Needs to be under 100)
The fact that I significatly raised my HDL and lowered my LDL is a good thing. However, the ultimate number is the three-digit one, and it went up. I will thank my father for this. It's looking as though I may have high cholesterol, which is hereditary on his side. While I am thanking his side of the family, I'd like to give a shot out to them for anxiety attacks, depression, migraines, colon cancer, diverticulitis, bad gall bladders, digestive disorders and bad knees too----ahhh, my family.
As of whenever I fill my prescription, I am going to be put on meds and seen in another three months.
Hey, it could be worse.
My little sis has battled high cholesterol for years (same dad), and she's a health nut. So, together, we will try to get this monster under control before it blocks our heart and kills us.
It totally could be worse.
Like the heart/chest pain that I have been having for the past three weeks and haven't said anything about....yeah...that's a whole nutha blog. It will most likely start in June after I see another doctor.
It could be worse.
Like being diagnosed with the "C" word.
It could be worse.
Like, passing away due to an unhealthy lifestyle that I could have prevented because
I didn't do the work to get my mind/body right.
Even though my family has a history of failing body parts, they also have a history of being some of the bravest, hardest-working, loving and funny people I have ever known and I wouldn't trade them for the world...unless it was Avatar, cuz that is soooo cool......
Anyways, it came as no surprise that the Oprah episode featuring the author of Women, Food and God magically appeared on my DVR last night. Visit the link and then come back and read on. I'll wait. Go ahead, I'll be right here........
That was pretty cool, huh? I am going to read this book and I am going to do the work. I am going to learn about myself because if I don't, I am going to continue to eat horribly just to fill that void. I have come too far, changed my life in too many ways to give up now. But I'll vulnerable here-- I am scared to death. Body aches and pains scare me. A tummy ache catapults my brain into thinking horrible thoughts about the colon cancer that I am sure exists. A headache makes me think of my cousin and how I too, will surely be having a stroke within 24 hours. This chest pain has me convinced that I am on the verge of a heart attack. And all I want to do is eat a big ole' tub of vanilla frosting because if I'm gonna go out--that is the way I wanna go.
But I won't.
I won't stop worrying.
But I WILL start working on the brain part--my racing thoughts/anxiety.
I won't eat frosting.
Because I have worked TOO hard to send myself into that depression.
I won't stop working out.
I like how I feel and I like the way my body moves now.
(Shhhh, don't tell anyone, but secretly, I want to run a 5k with Erika in the fall.)
I have one body and one mind and I am going to get the most out of them. So, I would like to invite you to join me. Read this book with me. Let's do the work. Let's cry together. Let's cope together. Let's end this battle once and for all. Who's in? I'm getting the book tomorrow. Are you? Let me know!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Bite Me
So, should I discuss the good news or the bad news first?
Good News:
I have been looking forward to the Body Fit Challenge at my gym. It's a 12 week group training and nutrition plan. I have saved up the $229 fee and was looking forward to entering the challenge today and beginning the program next week. This grueling program includes daily meal plans--which seem to be my biggest obstacle--and two, one-hour sessions with my trainer, per week. Oh, and the 'biggest loser' gets $500. I was SO excited.
Bad News:
I got a tooth ache yesterday. More like a tooth smell. I have bad teeth, "hereditary deep grooves" to be exact. No one knew this growing up, and my mom took us every six months to have our teeth cleaned. Other than taking the liberty to pop a zit on my nose once, our dentist was pretty normal. (No, I am NOT joking, and it was a blackhead that looked big to him because he was wearing weird magnifying glasses...and it hurt). But, he was old-school, and I don't think that he knew that sealing our teeth as children would have prevented the ultimate thousands of dollars in dental bills that I will be enduring. Oh yeah, Thousands.
Of course, I knew my teeth were acting up. I have had two root canals and I have four crowns that were put on wrong--they are too big--over ten years ago. One crown started leaking this week--GROSS. So, I went to my dentist. He reminded me that it had been two years since I last saw him. Yeah, I am THAT patient. The one who only goes to the dentist when there is a problem. I loathe going to the dentist. Gee, I can't imagine why....
Long-story-short:
After the initial exam and x-rays, I have about $8,000 worth of work that needs to be done. Yeah--Four procedures at $2000 each = $8,000 -- and NO GRILLS to show off.
PRO:
Thank Goodness for insurance and a dentist I trust! (Sure, I could probably find a cheaper dentist, but I trust this one. My kid loves him. Yes, 10-yrs old and she LOVES going to the mutha-effing DENTIST people--He is a good man.)
CON:
Dental insurance sucks--and mine only covers $1500 PER YEAR. So, I either take my chances and get one procedure per year for the next four years--and hope nothing major goes wrong. OR, I come up with $7500 this year. I think you see where I'm headed.
SO:
The first $500 is due next Thursday when I will sit in the big chair and wait for him to replace one crown and a filling and deep clean the surrounding gums. I have $229 and will have the rest by then, but seriously....I'm a little sad.
SETBACK:
Needless to say, I can't sign up for the Body Fit Challenge THIS TIME.
Staying Positive!
I was a little upset after my appointment. My German-as-a-first-language trainer was so excited to see me. We have been training for this and she had the paperwork all ready. I had to flake. And, I am not ok with being a flake. So, I was bummed, ran 2 miles in 30 minutes (holllla!) and then we discussed plan B.
I have learned SO much from my trainer, M. She understands my predicament and I am grateful for that. I have 12 weeks worth of strength training exercises and after *cough, cough* years of Weight Watchers, I KNOW how to eat right. This is just a test. It's my own challenge until I can afford to sign up for the next one. And I will. And seriously, if THIS is the only thing going "wrong" in my life right now, well then I am pretty lucky.
I didn't realize the clarity that comes with getting in shape. I actually have coping skills that I know I didn't have five years ago...This is my new life and I love it.
Although I was a little down and out today, my decision to move forward and stay focused was reinforced tonight as I picked up my daughter from the kids' gym. We walked through the doors into the main gym and she stopped and inhaled deeply. Then she looked at me and said "Mommy, I love the smell of the gym!" Me too kiddo, me too.
Good News:
I have been looking forward to the Body Fit Challenge at my gym. It's a 12 week group training and nutrition plan. I have saved up the $229 fee and was looking forward to entering the challenge today and beginning the program next week. This grueling program includes daily meal plans--which seem to be my biggest obstacle--and two, one-hour sessions with my trainer, per week. Oh, and the 'biggest loser' gets $500. I was SO excited.
Bad News:
I got a tooth ache yesterday. More like a tooth smell. I have bad teeth, "hereditary deep grooves" to be exact. No one knew this growing up, and my mom took us every six months to have our teeth cleaned. Other than taking the liberty to pop a zit on my nose once, our dentist was pretty normal. (No, I am NOT joking, and it was a blackhead that looked big to him because he was wearing weird magnifying glasses...and it hurt). But, he was old-school, and I don't think that he knew that sealing our teeth as children would have prevented the ultimate thousands of dollars in dental bills that I will be enduring. Oh yeah, Thousands.
Of course, I knew my teeth were acting up. I have had two root canals and I have four crowns that were put on wrong--they are too big--over ten years ago. One crown started leaking this week--GROSS. So, I went to my dentist. He reminded me that it had been two years since I last saw him. Yeah, I am THAT patient. The one who only goes to the dentist when there is a problem. I loathe going to the dentist. Gee, I can't imagine why....
Long-story-short:
After the initial exam and x-rays, I have about $8,000 worth of work that needs to be done. Yeah--Four procedures at $2000 each = $8,000 -- and NO GRILLS to show off. PRO:
Thank Goodness for insurance and a dentist I trust! (Sure, I could probably find a cheaper dentist, but I trust this one. My kid loves him. Yes, 10-yrs old and she LOVES going to the mutha-effing DENTIST people--He is a good man.)
CON:
Dental insurance sucks--and mine only covers $1500 PER YEAR. So, I either take my chances and get one procedure per year for the next four years--and hope nothing major goes wrong. OR, I come up with $7500 this year. I think you see where I'm headed.
SO:
The first $500 is due next Thursday when I will sit in the big chair and wait for him to replace one crown and a filling and deep clean the surrounding gums. I have $229 and will have the rest by then, but seriously....I'm a little sad.
SETBACK:
Needless to say, I can't sign up for the Body Fit Challenge THIS TIME.
Staying Positive!
I was a little upset after my appointment. My German-as-a-first-language trainer was so excited to see me. We have been training for this and she had the paperwork all ready. I had to flake. And, I am not ok with being a flake. So, I was bummed, ran 2 miles in 30 minutes (holllla!) and then we discussed plan B.
I have learned SO much from my trainer, M. She understands my predicament and I am grateful for that. I have 12 weeks worth of strength training exercises and after *cough, cough* years of Weight Watchers, I KNOW how to eat right. This is just a test. It's my own challenge until I can afford to sign up for the next one. And I will. And seriously, if THIS is the only thing going "wrong" in my life right now, well then I am pretty lucky.
I didn't realize the clarity that comes with getting in shape. I actually have coping skills that I know I didn't have five years ago...This is my new life and I love it.
Although I was a little down and out today, my decision to move forward and stay focused was reinforced tonight as I picked up my daughter from the kids' gym. We walked through the doors into the main gym and she stopped and inhaled deeply. Then she looked at me and said "Mommy, I love the smell of the gym!" Me too kiddo, me too.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
"Have You Lost Weight?" Uhm, YES!!!
Big YAY ME moments this week!
1. I got into my outfit for these "during" photos and realized that my shirt is too big-- YAY!
So, I have changed tank tops, and that is going to show you all the rolls and wrinkles and hopefully keep me motivated because there is a new t-shirt that I have that I can't wait to show you! (Thanks to Val!)
2. THREE PEOPLE asked me if I have lost weight--and I didn't get a hair cut or color this week, so I know they were sincere!! (it's about effing time-lol)
I am still at 216, but feeling better than ever. My boobs and feet are shrinking and although I think that is hilarious, a certain someone in my life is starting to get a sad face.
I am still not ready to buy new clothes yet....
Friday, April 30, 2010
Why I am doing this...
Because this time, 4 years ago, I couldn't even hide those other chins. Now, at least I can...but I look better. I feel better. And let this be a reminder to myself, as I type this, that YES I can do it , and YES it will be even better than I ever imagined.
The April 2006 photo shows a sad, miserable, lonely and lost person. I was going through what I thought was one of the worst times of my life. I had no idea that this would be just the beginning....
April 2006
Photo by Isabel Ginsberg Photography
The April 2006 photo shows a sad, miserable, lonely and lost person. I was going through what I thought was one of the worst times of my life. I had no idea that this would be just the beginning....
April 2006
This girl, April 2010, can do anything. She's been through hell and back and now it's her time to shine....
Photo by Isabel Ginsberg PhotographyThursday, April 29, 2010
Guess Who Lost 5 lbs? ME!
I am SO excited!
Last week, I maintained my workouts, alone, on the big, scary main gym floor. I stuck to my guns and I did what I set out to do. Then, as the weekend approached, I weighed myself.
Now, a few weeks ago, our scale let us know that it needed new batteries. Having lost only 5 lbs in 2 months after this "new way of life," I ignored it and just decided that I would simply not weigh in until May 1.
But, my hubby and I were talking about it and he thought that he had noticed something different. I swore to him that "No, I am still at 221." He said that wasn’t possible. We made an adult-themed wager to prove who was right, and walked into the garage where the scale is.
Then, a wave of panic hit me. What if I gained? OMG, I will totally die right now BUT I’d win bet....so, I got on the scale and sucked in my belly….because that totally matters.
I looked at the scale, and there it was, like a toddler looking up at me, asking for a hug—216! Goodbye 224!!
So, I guess my trainer is right. More weights. Less Cardio. Less Calories. I am SO looking forward to being in ONEderland…that's where the rest of the people who weigh under 200 lbs reside. I don’t want to look like a supermodel, I want to lose one..(get it? I want to lose 80 lbs)....Actually, I just want to walk into Old Navy or Gap and buy a pair of jeans, oh, and rock a bathing suit in December!
By the way, adult-themed wagers are a nice reward, expecially when you're feeling thinner…is this TMI?
Last week, I maintained my workouts, alone, on the big, scary main gym floor. I stuck to my guns and I did what I set out to do. Then, as the weekend approached, I weighed myself.
Now, a few weeks ago, our scale let us know that it needed new batteries. Having lost only 5 lbs in 2 months after this "new way of life," I ignored it and just decided that I would simply not weigh in until May 1.
But, my hubby and I were talking about it and he thought that he had noticed something different. I swore to him that "No, I am still at 221." He said that wasn’t possible. We made an adult-themed wager to prove who was right, and walked into the garage where the scale is.
Then, a wave of panic hit me. What if I gained? OMG, I will totally die right now BUT I’d win bet....so, I got on the scale and sucked in my belly….because that totally matters.
I looked at the scale, and there it was, like a toddler looking up at me, asking for a hug—216! Goodbye 224!!
OMG! YAY!
HOLLA! GO ME!
I Lost the bet, but kinda won anyways, right?
So, I guess my trainer is right. More weights. Less Cardio. Less Calories. I am SO looking forward to being in ONEderland…that's where the rest of the people who weigh under 200 lbs reside. I don’t want to look like a supermodel, I want to lose one..(get it? I want to lose 80 lbs)....Actually, I just want to walk into Old Navy or Gap and buy a pair of jeans, oh, and rock a bathing suit in December!
By the way, adult-themed wagers are a nice reward, expecially when you're feeling thinner…is this TMI?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Avoiding the Void
So, I met with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer last Wednesday. You can read all about it here. She left me, once again, with a list of lonely exercises that I must do on my own, on that big, scary gym floor. Thursday, I didn’t go. Friday, my friends were in town, I didn’t go. And Saturday, I woke up in a bad mood. Like, a really bad mood. I was pissed at the world. I made my coffee, I tried to avoid my family, and I just wanted to curl in a ball and cry…oh, and eat.
After my coffee, it was about 9:30 am and I had already eaten breakfast, so I wasn’t really hungry….but I found myself wandering into the kitchen. I was looking for nothing and anything—sweet. But, I didn’t find it…instead, I did something I never thought I would ever do...I went into my room, put on my gym clothes and I headed out to the gym.
I didn’t really “want” to go. I wanted frosting. I wanted a Twix bar, or pancakes. I wanted to be emotional. I wanted to cry. I was spiraling for no reason other than a little PMS.
I got to the gym and hopped on the elliptical machine. I set the course for 30 minutes, thinking I would get in a mile and a half…..but anger is a weird thing. I pushed myself to hit almost 3 miles. That’s a mile every 10 minutes. I was BLOWN AWAY, I was sweating, and I was smiling. It gave me the boost I needed in order to do the exercises that my trainer had given me earlier….alone…on the big, scary gym floor—where I didn’t even have a chance to feel insecure. That was a great feeling. My momentum distracted me to the point where I didn’t even notice the 10 lb weight on the back of the crunch machine.
My workout was hard. It was tough. I was a sweaty mess and I was overwhelmed with emotions. I finished my workout and went to my car. I looked at myself in the mirror and teared up. I did it. And it’s not just the workout that I did. I found a way to fill that void. That void that usually goes away, temporarily, after I eat. I can fill that “feeling” with exercise. Like WHOA. Talk about an AHA moment…….
I am super-duper stoked. And as I shared my story with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer, she smiled and said “that’s great, now we can put an extra 10 lbs on the crunch machine! Cool.”
Did I mention she is perfect for me?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Being Funny Is No Excuse
I am proud to say that YES, I did workout, alone, on the main floor of the gym last week, and it felt GOOD. No, it felt GREAT! I broke a sweat, saw one person smile at me, encouraging or envious, I am not sure, but they saw that I was literally working my ass off. I didn’t get my special treat of the muscle man in tights, but I did it and it was fun. I was totally looking forward to the next time because, you know, I had to do it twice without my trainer. Twice. But I didn’t.
And yesterday, I had to face my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer and tell her that “YAY I DID IT ONCE…but there was a reason I couldn’t make it the rest of the week and weekend..just wait till you hear this! I had two comedy shows, family in town, a tired Monday and before I knew it—it was too late for me to get in another workout…so SURRY!”
I could see it in her eyes. It was no excuse. She looked me over and said nothing. I hate silence, so instead of accepting the “we both know I could have found time” stillness, I dug myself into the hole of all holes…
“……Look! I’ve been busy with Comedy-yay-comedy, my passion, my dream. You see, when I met you, I had just become part of The Real Housewives of Rio Linda (RHRL) and we got a few big shows, a write up in the Sac News and Review, an interview on Good Day Sacramento, and then two sold out shows…."
“I don’t have a T.V.”
WHHAAAAT—No TV???
"....Well, then, News10 did an interview with us and it gained a lot of attention because Rush Limbaugh picked it up and told the story on his show….then News10 told everyone about us on the RUSH show—I mean, he even put us on his homepage!”
“Who is Rush Limbaugh?”
DOH!
“Uhm, well, he is a crazy political guy who has a national radio show—we went National for a day…omg! THEN, we sold out a show in Modesto and then we came home and had a great show at Laughs Unlimited—I made $14---did you hear that? $14 Biyatch! THEEEEN—I GOT TO OPEN FOR GALLAGHER—I mean, he was like, totally famous in the 80s and 90s.”
“Who is Gallagher?”
GRRR......
“…..THEN, We were put on the front page of FunnyorDie.com where we have had over 200 hits—all ”FUNNY” in one day!
“What is Funny or Die?”
*Sigh*
"I got hired to perform at the Susan G Komen race and I have an interview on KCRA tomorrow, but you prolly won’t see it….humffff. “
“Oh, I am walking in that race!”
UHG! Of course you are.
"So all of these reasons are why I haven’t worked out or taken my monthly picture."
“Didn’t you tell me you have a gym at work?”
OUCH. Busted. Moted. Face. Burn.
We worked out for the first time since last Thursday. It was a tough one. A ½ hour on the elliptical and then ½ hour of intense weight lifting. And today I am SORE. And I have to workout 2 more times, by myself, on the big, scary main floor, before I see her next Monday.
So, while my comedy life soars and I enjoy the wave I am riding, I have fallen off the track and my trainer could care less because she isn’t Amercian, she doesn’t care about fame, I can't charm or WOW her, she doesn't care about that stuff....she wants to get me in shape and I pay her for that. All of these reasons and more make her perfect for me.
The moral of yesterday’s story is that even if I am performing comedy every single night—I have a gym at work, including a walking course, and five flights of stairs. I have no excuses.
And yesterday, I had to face my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer and tell her that “YAY I DID IT ONCE…but there was a reason I couldn’t make it the rest of the week and weekend..just wait till you hear this! I had two comedy shows, family in town, a tired Monday and before I knew it—it was too late for me to get in another workout…so SURRY!”
I could see it in her eyes. It was no excuse. She looked me over and said nothing. I hate silence, so instead of accepting the “we both know I could have found time” stillness, I dug myself into the hole of all holes…
“……Look! I’ve been busy with Comedy-yay-comedy, my passion, my dream. You see, when I met you, I had just become part of The Real Housewives of Rio Linda (RHRL) and we got a few big shows, a write up in the Sac News and Review, an interview on Good Day Sacramento, and then two sold out shows…."
“I don’t have a T.V.”
WHHAAAAT—No TV???
"....Well, then, News10 did an interview with us and it gained a lot of attention because Rush Limbaugh picked it up and told the story on his show….then News10 told everyone about us on the RUSH show—I mean, he even put us on his homepage!”
“Who is Rush Limbaugh?”
DOH!
“Uhm, well, he is a crazy political guy who has a national radio show—we went National for a day…omg! THEN, we sold out a show in Modesto and then we came home and had a great show at Laughs Unlimited—I made $14---did you hear that? $14 Biyatch! THEEEEN—I GOT TO OPEN FOR GALLAGHER—I mean, he was like, totally famous in the 80s and 90s.”
“Who is Gallagher?”
GRRR......
“…..THEN, We were put on the front page of FunnyorDie.com where we have had over 200 hits—all ”FUNNY” in one day!
“What is Funny or Die?”
*Sigh*
"I got hired to perform at the Susan G Komen race and I have an interview on KCRA tomorrow, but you prolly won’t see it….humffff. “
“Oh, I am walking in that race!”
UHG! Of course you are.
"So all of these reasons are why I haven’t worked out or taken my monthly picture."
“Didn’t you tell me you have a gym at work?”
OUCH. Busted. Moted. Face. Burn.
Final Score:
German-as-a-first-language personal trainer: 1
Comedienne: 0
German-as-a-first-language personal trainer: 1
Comedienne: 0
We worked out for the first time since last Thursday. It was a tough one. A ½ hour on the elliptical and then ½ hour of intense weight lifting. And today I am SORE. And I have to workout 2 more times, by myself, on the big, scary main floor, before I see her next Monday.
So, while my comedy life soars and I enjoy the wave I am riding, I have fallen off the track and my trainer could care less because she isn’t Amercian, she doesn’t care about fame, I can't charm or WOW her, she doesn't care about that stuff....she wants to get me in shape and I pay her for that. All of these reasons and more make her perfect for me.
The moral of yesterday’s story is that even if I am performing comedy every single night—I have a gym at work, including a walking course, and five flights of stairs. I have no excuses.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Penny for My Thoughts
The last two days’ workouts have made my body go “SAY Whhhhhat?” and I like that. It’s a nice distraction from the seemingly racing thoughts that dance inside my head like a bad play.
I’m trying to wrap my brain around a lot of things this week. Both good news and bad news. Some issues I am celebrating—like the modification of our loan with B of A and the amazing shows I am performing with The Real (funny) Housewives of Rio Linda! Some things I am trying to resolve—like the constant issues we continue to face with Workers Compensation—a two year battle that we just can’t seem to win. Some thoughts are just a simple realization of how much our lives have really changed in the past 5 years. Other things are deeper (that's what she said) and I don't know why they enter my head at all.
I guess working out so hard and embracing this new way of life has drummed up some deep-rooted feelings? I am a scatter-brain. Has this happened to any of you? I would like to know.
Lucky for me, on Monday, I didn’t have time for thinking. Instead of the hour-long expensive sessions with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer, M., this week I began half-hour sessions. Now, normally M is adorable and fun and lets me rest during our one-hour long sessions. However, when we need to fit in 6-10 intense strength training exercises in 30 minutes, it’s like a whole new person shows up. She becomes a workoutNazi Czar.
There is no room for error.
There is no rest for the weak.
There is no goofing around - boooo!
There is a LOT of sweat -YAY!
My new routine ensures that although I get to continue my beloved Hip-Hop class, which just about broke my kneecaps this week, I am required to duplicate these strength exercises two additional times per week, on my own.
This poses a problem. I am a big girl. I am not only big, but I am super-emotional with all of these thoughts racing through my head. So I am a fat, emotional girl working out and working through it on the main gym floor. The main floor is already scary and intimidating enough. Being surrounded by hot, young twenty-somethings wearing next-to-nothing makes me a tad bit insecure. Sure, I want to look like that …but the mirrors—oh the mirrors—quickly remind me that I am SO FAR away from my goal and I start to get anxious. These insecurities create a breeding ground for my self loathing.
Working alongside of a trainer gives me an “out.” It’s an advertisement to the spandex-clad crew that although I may be big, I am with a trainer, sooooo...free pass for me! But tonight, I must work that floor alone. And I am nervous. But once again, this weekly, delicate, vulnerable posts to all of you, will help me persevere…so I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
On the light side, I do find humor to be a great coping mechanism in these times of need. Last night, something make me happy, and I will look forward to it like a small slice of white chocolate cake with white frosting. As we were getting prepared to leave the gym, I looked over to the big, scary main floor and saw a very big muscle man wearing a short t-shirt and skin-tight, light grey leggings. They were basically see-through. These were not your typical skinny man-pants. He literally looked like he must have ran out of laundry and as he was searching for shorts perhaps, he yelled out to his lady “honey, do you have any leggings I can wear?” The three of us noticed him at the same time, and could barely contain our laughter. (This is another reason I love the gym….and why I leave my phone/camera at home. I would be SO temped to just take pictures every day).
So, wish me luck tonight. I’ll be the fat girl, sweating for a reason, eager to be healthy and in a bathing suit by November, struggling to rectify the things that pop into my head and trying to just focus while laughing at your silly spandex.
I’m trying to wrap my brain around a lot of things this week. Both good news and bad news. Some issues I am celebrating—like the modification of our loan with B of A and the amazing shows I am performing with The Real (funny) Housewives of Rio Linda! Some things I am trying to resolve—like the constant issues we continue to face with Workers Compensation—a two year battle that we just can’t seem to win. Some thoughts are just a simple realization of how much our lives have really changed in the past 5 years. Other things are deeper (that's what she said) and I don't know why they enter my head at all.
I guess working out so hard and embracing this new way of life has drummed up some deep-rooted feelings? I am a scatter-brain. Has this happened to any of you? I would like to know.
Lucky for me, on Monday, I didn’t have time for thinking. Instead of the hour-long expensive sessions with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer, M., this week I began half-hour sessions. Now, normally M is adorable and fun and lets me rest during our one-hour long sessions. However, when we need to fit in 6-10 intense strength training exercises in 30 minutes, it’s like a whole new person shows up. She becomes a workout
There is no room for error.
There is no rest for the weak.
There is no goofing around - boooo!
There is a LOT of sweat -YAY!
My new routine ensures that although I get to continue my beloved Hip-Hop class, which just about broke my kneecaps this week, I am required to duplicate these strength exercises two additional times per week, on my own.
This poses a problem. I am a big girl. I am not only big, but I am super-emotional with all of these thoughts racing through my head. So I am a fat, emotional girl working out and working through it on the main gym floor. The main floor is already scary and intimidating enough. Being surrounded by hot, young twenty-somethings wearing next-to-nothing makes me a tad bit insecure. Sure, I want to look like that …but the mirrors—oh the mirrors—quickly remind me that I am SO FAR away from my goal and I start to get anxious. These insecurities create a breeding ground for my self loathing.
Working alongside of a trainer gives me an “out.” It’s an advertisement to the spandex-clad crew that although I may be big, I am with a trainer, sooooo...free pass for me! But tonight, I must work that floor alone. And I am nervous. But once again, this weekly, delicate, vulnerable posts to all of you, will help me persevere…so I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
On the light side, I do find humor to be a great coping mechanism in these times of need. Last night, something make me happy, and I will look forward to it like a small slice of white chocolate cake with white frosting. As we were getting prepared to leave the gym, I looked over to the big, scary main floor and saw a very big muscle man wearing a short t-shirt and skin-tight, light grey leggings. They were basically see-through. These were not your typical skinny man-pants. He literally looked like he must have ran out of laundry and as he was searching for shorts perhaps, he yelled out to his lady “honey, do you have any leggings I can wear?” The three of us noticed him at the same time, and could barely contain our laughter. (This is another reason I love the gym….and why I leave my phone/camera at home. I would be SO temped to just take pictures every day).
So, wish me luck tonight. I’ll be the fat girl, sweating for a reason, eager to be healthy and in a bathing suit by November, struggling to rectify the things that pop into my head and trying to just focus while laughing at your silly spandex.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Worth the Weight...
This week was a lot better than last. But still pretty rough. Remember when I was all excited that I lost a total of 9 inches? Well, after my appointment with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer, that my friends, is not the case. I hesitate to post my numbers yet as I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed that I have let myself go. I am also embarrassed that after 8 weeks at the gym, I have only lost a total of 5 lbs.
If it weren't for Maui, I think this would be the week I give up completely. During my last workout with my trainer, I almost cried when she took my measurements, BMI and weight. She noticed that I was upset and then proceeded to explain (in fat-girl terms) what I am doing wrong.
1. Too much cardio, not enough weights.
2. Not counting and journaling my calories...and probably not staying within my range.
After researching her words of wisdom because I simply do not trust anyone...I found out that she is right. There is a GREAT article about this here.
So, I signed up for another 6 weeks. These are intense sessions as we move from one hour weights to 1/2 hour cardio and 1/2 hour weight training. I will also be adding two additional days of weight training to my regiment. And after that, I will sign up for my first Body Fit Challenge.
I am nervous, anxious, unmotivated and scared. There. I said it. I am overwhelmed with emotions and angry that my journey isn't happening as fast as I wanted it to. However, I am sticking to it and I will continue because once again, this blog makes me honest.
Oh, and thanks to a dear friend, Erika, who wrote about crying during a recent run—I don't feel alone. Thank you and I love you girl. Watching you drop the weight and seeing you transform has been a huge inspiration to me and I am so proud of you. I look forward to the day we can run a 5k together. It will be worth the weight.
If it weren't for Maui, I think this would be the week I give up completely. During my last workout with my trainer, I almost cried when she took my measurements, BMI and weight. She noticed that I was upset and then proceeded to explain (in fat-girl terms) what I am doing wrong.
1. Too much cardio, not enough weights.
2. Not counting and journaling my calories...and probably not staying within my range.
After researching her words of wisdom because I simply do not trust anyone...I found out that she is right. There is a GREAT article about this here.
So, I signed up for another 6 weeks. These are intense sessions as we move from one hour weights to 1/2 hour cardio and 1/2 hour weight training. I will also be adding two additional days of weight training to my regiment. And after that, I will sign up for my first Body Fit Challenge.
I am nervous, anxious, unmotivated and scared. There. I said it. I am overwhelmed with emotions and angry that my journey isn't happening as fast as I wanted it to. However, I am sticking to it and I will continue because once again, this blog makes me honest.
Oh, and thanks to a dear friend, Erika, who wrote about crying during a recent run—I don't feel alone. Thank you and I love you girl. Watching you drop the weight and seeing you transform has been a huge inspiration to me and I am so proud of you. I look forward to the day we can run a 5k together. It will be worth the weight.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
A Bad Week?
I am having a bad week. Just, everything is “off.”
Monday, I was excited to go to the gym…but my brain decided it would be a great day to have a maj-ah migraine. They run in my family, and although I don’t have them as bad or often as I did as a kid—when they hit, it’s like my head is the perfect pitch and a Louisville slugger just can’t resist—WHAM! Home run….goodnight. So, I missed the gym.
Tuesday, my hip-hop class was cancelled. And, instead, they replaced my teachers with two Sacramento Kings Cheerleaders…yeah, that’s what I want. Two fake-tan Barbie dolls trying to teach my fat ass about dancing…Eff that! So, I missed the gym. But, the three of us did take a 1-mile walk through the park…which was lovely….until half way through I noticed that the back of my left heel was in pain. Looking down, I see a huge blister and blood. Nice. I still finished my walk, so IN YOUR FACE BLISTER.
As we got home and got our nightly chores, dinner, homework, etc. done, I crashed out on the couch before I could take a shower. ”No problem” I thought, “I’ll just take one in the morning”…right? Wrong.
Wednesday kicked my ass before my alarm even went off—oh wait, it never went off. I literally woke up to my loving hubby shouting “Honey! Wake up! It’s 6:30!!” – Which means I was going to be late. I didn’t shower. Ew. I brushed my fangs, threw my clothes on and ran out the door. I did get to work on time! But, then two hours later, I realized that I had my black shirt on backwards. So, I turned it around…only to advertise my white deodorant. By the way, Teen Spirit, you do NOT dry clear….pffffft!
A lot more went wrong yesterday, but in order to not indict myself (for what I may or may not have done to the car that parked so close to me that I had to enter my car from the passenger side where my legs became stuck between the steering wheel and my chin)…. I will just leave it at that…it was a bad day.
I got home and immediately curled up on my husbands lap and collapsed….and you know what my loving, supportive, handsome man said after he laughed his ass off after I narrated the misfortunes of my day? “So, I take it you’re not going to the gym again? Did you hit that wall? Are you gonna quit the gym now?” – OH. NO. HE. DIIIIII-DN’T.
I was shocked. Not that he said it. That he was SO RIGHT….and with that comment, I got a band-aid for my blister, put on my shoes, and we went to the mutha-luvin gym.
Then, I got home, ate dinner and met up with some comedy chicks that I adore. And, I got booked at the Punchline for next month…So EFF YOU Wednesday!! I won.
And that’s it this week. What did I learn? When life gets tough, and things get in the way, and pain makes you want to stop ---don’t. That is what the old Me use to do. The old Me would have eaten a tub of frosting and said “I deserve this.” The old Me would have called in sick the next day. The old Me would have hit that wall and ended up cancelling my gym membership. The old Me would have blamed it all on anything but Me.
I like the new Me. Here is my mantra this week.....
Even if I can't do take it one day at a time...it's ok to take it a minute at a time. Bad week or not, I pushed through and I am feeling GREAT about my achievements--on and off the scale. We ALL have those bad days and weeks. When they rear their ugly head--kick their ass. I did, and it feels great. I bet I won't see Wednesday for at LEAST another week....lol!
Here is a tribute to kicking this week's ass.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk-1mla0LeU
Monday, I was excited to go to the gym…but my brain decided it would be a great day to have a maj-ah migraine. They run in my family, and although I don’t have them as bad or often as I did as a kid—when they hit, it’s like my head is the perfect pitch and a Louisville slugger just can’t resist—WHAM! Home run….goodnight. So, I missed the gym.
Tuesday, my hip-hop class was cancelled. And, instead, they replaced my teachers with two Sacramento Kings Cheerleaders…yeah, that’s what I want. Two fake-tan Barbie dolls trying to teach my fat ass about dancing…Eff that! So, I missed the gym. But, the three of us did take a 1-mile walk through the park…which was lovely….until half way through I noticed that the back of my left heel was in pain. Looking down, I see a huge blister and blood. Nice. I still finished my walk, so IN YOUR FACE BLISTER.
As we got home and got our nightly chores, dinner, homework, etc. done, I crashed out on the couch before I could take a shower. ”No problem” I thought, “I’ll just take one in the morning”…right? Wrong.
Wednesday kicked my ass before my alarm even went off—oh wait, it never went off. I literally woke up to my loving hubby shouting “Honey! Wake up! It’s 6:30!!” – Which means I was going to be late. I didn’t shower. Ew. I brushed my fangs, threw my clothes on and ran out the door. I did get to work on time! But, then two hours later, I realized that I had my black shirt on backwards. So, I turned it around…only to advertise my white deodorant. By the way, Teen Spirit, you do NOT dry clear….pffffft!
A lot more went wrong yesterday, but in order to not indict myself (for what I may or may not have done to the car that parked so close to me that I had to enter my car from the passenger side where my legs became stuck between the steering wheel and my chin)…. I will just leave it at that…it was a bad day.
I got home and immediately curled up on my husbands lap and collapsed….and you know what my loving, supportive, handsome man said after he laughed his ass off after I narrated the misfortunes of my day? “So, I take it you’re not going to the gym again? Did you hit that wall? Are you gonna quit the gym now?” – OH. NO. HE. DIIIIII-DN’T.
I was shocked. Not that he said it. That he was SO RIGHT….and with that comment, I got a band-aid for my blister, put on my shoes, and we went to the mutha-luvin gym.
Then, I got home, ate dinner and met up with some comedy chicks that I adore. And, I got booked at the Punchline for next month…So EFF YOU Wednesday!! I won.
And that’s it this week. What did I learn? When life gets tough, and things get in the way, and pain makes you want to stop ---don’t. That is what the old Me use to do. The old Me would have eaten a tub of frosting and said “I deserve this.” The old Me would have called in sick the next day. The old Me would have hit that wall and ended up cancelling my gym membership. The old Me would have blamed it all on anything but Me.
I like the new Me. Here is my mantra this week.....
What I am learning is that it's ok to be vulnerable.
What I need to do when I hit that wall is push my way through it.
What I love is making people laugh.
What I want is a nice bathing suit in November...in Maui.
What I deserve is to be healthy.
Even if I can't do take it one day at a time...it's ok to take it a minute at a time. Bad week or not, I pushed through and I am feeling GREAT about my achievements--on and off the scale. We ALL have those bad days and weeks. When they rear their ugly head--kick their ass. I did, and it feels great. I bet I won't see Wednesday for at LEAST another week....lol!
Here is a tribute to kicking this week's ass.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk-1mla0LeU
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Lost 1 lb and The Old Me!
I lost 1 lb. Yay? Well, I am most likely NOT going to reach my mini goal of being under 200 lbs by April 1, however, I am still plugging away at this new lifestyle. I have arm muscles, more energy than ever before and a positive outlook on my health for the future.
The Real (Funny) Housewives of Rio Linda are getting more press than I ever imagined--which is GREAT. But, seeing my body in pictures and on TV is unsettling at best, and it's encouraging me to keep up the hard work.
In order to motivate myself, I decided to post an old picture and show you all a full body shot of me at my heaviest. I need to do this so that I can continue to remind myself of why I am dancing, swimming, jiggling and sweating every night.
So, I went to my online photo account and guess what I found? Nothing. I have literally hid behind the camera for years. However, after combing through hundreds of photos of good times with old friends and family celebrations, I did inevitably find one.
The Real (Funny) Housewives of Rio Linda are getting more press than I ever imagined--which is GREAT. But, seeing my body in pictures and on TV is unsettling at best, and it's encouraging me to keep up the hard work.
In order to motivate myself, I decided to post an old picture and show you all a full body shot of me at my heaviest. I need to do this so that I can continue to remind myself of why I am dancing, swimming, jiggling and sweating every night.
So, I went to my online photo account and guess what I found? Nothing. I have literally hid behind the camera for years. However, after combing through hundreds of photos of good times with old friends and family celebrations, I did inevitably find one.
THEN
<< YIKES! My size 24 jeans.
(March 2006)
I was REALLY miserable back then. My life was in chaos. I was a mess....and not in the hot way. I was not taking care of myself, my priorities were far from being in order, I was on 100mg of Zolaft per day, and my husband had just gotten into a huge accident.
Today, I consider this picture a blessing. It has opened my heart to see the path I was on, and it wasn't pretty. I am so lucky to have woken up from this slumber in time to reverse my lifestyle. I don't even recognize this person anymore. I don't resemble her physically or emotionally. That is an NSV (Non-Scale Victory!)
NOW
My (loose) size 16 jeans. >>
(March 2010)
Thank you Isabel Ginsberg Photography!
Thank you Isabel Ginsberg Photography!
I actually LIKE this picture. It's me, today! My curves are real, and fading. My smile is bright, my face is much thinner. I am internally happy and externally silly.
As I compare the two pictures, I realize that I am making changes that will allow me to be alive for a lot longer than the road I was once on. This is the greatest feeling in the world...much better than a tub of vanilla frosting.
Have a great week everyone!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Driving Miss Daisy
I love the conversations I have with Daisy while we drive home from the gym. Usually, we are both full of adrenaline and hyper and so we sing, make farting noises or talk about how much we can’t wait to goto the mall and buy glittery things.
But sometimes, we talk about serious stuff.
Monday night was no exception. The topic was reincarnation—because that is what inquiring ten-year old minds want to know—right? Anyways, as we discussed the possibility of re-embodiment, we ended up with one of the most hilarious conversations that I have ever had with anyone. It went a little something like this:
Daisy: What is reincarnation?
Mom: Some people believe that when you die, your soul goes into another living person, or animal.
Daisy: I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone else. I think I have always been in your tummy or Daddy’s tummy.
Mom: Ahhh, that’s sweet. You know, you were never technically in daddy’s tummy….
WHOOPS! Here is one of those times where I am talking and not thinking. (FYI--I do talk casually to my daughter about these things. Although she is well aware of the anatomically correct names for body parts, in our home we use real-life words. She’s being raised by a Marine and a Comedienne –what do you expect?)
Daisy: I wasn’t? Well, where was I?
Mom: uhm…you were a sperm, in his balls.
Daisy: EWWWWW!! HAHAHAHA!! EWWWW!!!
Mom: LOL
And then there was silence, followed by a long, drawn out......
Daisy: Sooooooooooooooooooooo….
Mom: (uh-oh, here comes the birds and bees conversation….again)
Daisy: So I was a sperm in dad’s balls….HAHAHAHA
Mom: Yes, along with a million others…but you made it into my tummy!
Daisy: So daddy put me in your tummy?
Mom: Uh, Yeah. (sigh).
It’s not that I wasn’t prepared for the birds and bees conversation, it just reminded me of the first conversation we had when she was about 6, and I simply told her that daddy has seeds that he puts in mommy’s tummy and then a baby grows…Daisy proceeded to squeal “OOOH!! Daddy has seeds? I love (sunflower) seeds, did you eat them?”….and I replied, “Only on anniversaries….” I digress.
Daisy is quiet. I can almost hear the wheels spinning in her head like a cracked-out hamster running on a wheel. Then she says:
Daisy: hmmmmmm….I wonder what I looked like.
Mom: BAHAHAHAH—what you looked like? Like what you were wearing?
Daisy: Yeah! I bet I was wearing a pink bow and a ponytail, so my hair didn’t get messed up.
Mom: BAHAHAHAHH
Daisy: ……and I probably had my peace sign necklace on. And then I was like, “I’m OUTTA here!!”
Mom: LMAO
Daisy: (laughing) what mom?
Mom: Do you know what sperm looks like?
Daisy: no, what?
Mom: It looks like a tadpole. You aren’t wearing any clothes; you’re just a tadpole with a tail, and no arms.
Daisy: OH!
Knowing now that she is entertaining me, my little passenger sits up straight in her seat, puts her arms to the side and squirms like, well, a sperm…and says: “I bet I was all, ‘I wish I had arms!’ ”
Mom: OMFG, LMAOOOOO with tears....
Daisy: that’s funny, huh mom?
Mom: Uh, yeah. Like, I-might-use-it-on-stage-this-week-funny.
Daisy: I wish I could say it on stage.
Mom: You totally can. Let me know when and where and I will let you!
Daisy: How would I start it?
Mom: Uh, maybe by saying, hi I’m Daisy and I’m 10 years old----
Daisy: Interrupts me---Oh, I know…Hi I’m Daisy and I’m 10 years old which means a little more than ten years ago I was in my daddy’s balls.
Mom: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It. Doesn’t. End. There.
Last night, I said her joke on stage. It killed. And then when I got home, and told Rich about it, my darling husband informed me that Daisy had continued the conversation with him while they drove home from the gym….it went something like this:
Daisy: Did mommy tell you about my joke?
Dad: Yes. Do you want to tell it to me?
Daisy: No, I’m not going to tell you the joke, but it was about me being a sperm.
Dad: _______(insert cricket noise here)_______
Daisy: Yeah. I was thinking about what I looked like. I probably had my ponytail, pink bow and my necklace. But, I probably also had my locket with a picture of you two, my backpack…..and fins…so I could be the fastest. Here is a picture:
ROTFLMAO!
Ahhhhhh, Daisy, our sweet girl…yes, you were the fastest, and the cutest, and the smartest and I am so glad you were the one that made it into our lives.
But sometimes, we talk about serious stuff.
Monday night was no exception. The topic was reincarnation—because that is what inquiring ten-year old minds want to know—right? Anyways, as we discussed the possibility of re-embodiment, we ended up with one of the most hilarious conversations that I have ever had with anyone. It went a little something like this:
Daisy: What is reincarnation?
Mom: Some people believe that when you die, your soul goes into another living person, or animal.
Daisy: I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone else. I think I have always been in your tummy or Daddy’s tummy.
Mom: Ahhh, that’s sweet. You know, you were never technically in daddy’s tummy….
WHOOPS! Here is one of those times where I am talking and not thinking. (FYI--I do talk casually to my daughter about these things. Although she is well aware of the anatomically correct names for body parts, in our home we use real-life words. She’s being raised by a Marine and a Comedienne –what do you expect?)
Daisy: I wasn’t? Well, where was I?
Mom: uhm…you were a sperm, in his balls.
Daisy: EWWWWW!! HAHAHAHA!! EWWWW!!!
Mom: LOL
And then there was silence, followed by a long, drawn out......
Daisy: Sooooooooooooooooooooo….
Mom: (uh-oh, here comes the birds and bees conversation….again)
Daisy: So I was a sperm in dad’s balls….HAHAHAHA
Mom: Yes, along with a million others…but you made it into my tummy!
Daisy: So daddy put me in your tummy?
Mom: Uh, Yeah. (sigh).
It’s not that I wasn’t prepared for the birds and bees conversation, it just reminded me of the first conversation we had when she was about 6, and I simply told her that daddy has seeds that he puts in mommy’s tummy and then a baby grows…Daisy proceeded to squeal “OOOH!! Daddy has seeds? I love (sunflower) seeds, did you eat them?”….and I replied, “Only on anniversaries….” I digress.
Daisy is quiet. I can almost hear the wheels spinning in her head like a cracked-out hamster running on a wheel. Then she says:
Daisy: hmmmmmm….I wonder what I looked like.
Mom: BAHAHAHAH—what you looked like? Like what you were wearing?
Daisy: Yeah! I bet I was wearing a pink bow and a ponytail, so my hair didn’t get messed up.
Mom: BAHAHAHAHH
Daisy: ……and I probably had my peace sign necklace on. And then I was like, “I’m OUTTA here!!”
Mom: LMAO
Daisy: (laughing) what mom?
Mom: Do you know what sperm looks like?
Daisy: no, what?
Mom: It looks like a tadpole. You aren’t wearing any clothes; you’re just a tadpole with a tail, and no arms.
Daisy: OH!
Knowing now that she is entertaining me, my little passenger sits up straight in her seat, puts her arms to the side and squirms like, well, a sperm…and says: “I bet I was all, ‘I wish I had arms!’ ”
Mom: OMFG, LMAOOOOO with tears....
Daisy: that’s funny, huh mom?
Mom: Uh, yeah. Like, I-might-use-it-on-stage-this-week-funny.
Daisy: I wish I could say it on stage.
Mom: You totally can. Let me know when and where and I will let you!
Daisy: How would I start it?
Mom: Uh, maybe by saying, hi I’m Daisy and I’m 10 years old----
Daisy: Interrupts me---Oh, I know…Hi I’m Daisy and I’m 10 years old which means a little more than ten years ago I was in my daddy’s balls.
Mom: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It. Doesn’t. End. There.
Last night, I said her joke on stage. It killed. And then when I got home, and told Rich about it, my darling husband informed me that Daisy had continued the conversation with him while they drove home from the gym….it went something like this:
Daisy: Did mommy tell you about my joke?
Dad: Yes. Do you want to tell it to me?
Daisy: No, I’m not going to tell you the joke, but it was about me being a sperm.
Dad: _______(insert cricket noise here)_______
Daisy: Yeah. I was thinking about what I looked like. I probably had my ponytail, pink bow and my necklace. But, I probably also had my locket with a picture of you two, my backpack…..and fins…so I could be the fastest. Here is a picture:
Ahhhhhh, Daisy, our sweet girl…yes, you were the fastest, and the cutest, and the smartest and I am so glad you were the one that made it into our lives.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Day 2 of Week 6 – I Won’t Give Up
I started my journey on January 25, 2010 and thought that I would drop major weight by now. But, I haven’t. This knowledge is not power. It makes my classes harder. It makes my workouts emotional. It makes me think that I bit off way more than I can chew…ooohh…chewing…remember Charleston Chew Bars? YUMMY—I digress. But so you SEE what it does? It makes me think about eating more bad stuff and I find myself falling prey to oh-so-familiar “I don’t give a crap” attitude.
When I started this project, I set some ground rules. I would blog and weigh in weekly. I would take measurements and post pictures monthly. No matter what.
Yesterday was March 1. I had to weigh in, take measurements and post a photo...and I was NOT looking forward to it. All day, I was filled with a bit of anxiety. My family had gotten together the night before and indulged in pizza, bread sticks, wings and chocolate silk pie….WHAT? Needless to say, I was NOT feeling well. In fact, I was pretty nauseous all day. I am not going to do that again or anytime soon. It’s just not the way I can or want to eat. But, it’s exactly the way I ate for years…almost daily.
Feeling ill and unmotivated, I almost didn’t go to the gym. But, knowing that I am committed to blog, measure, weigh and take a picture, well, it got my butt moving. Unwillingly, I went to my Zumba class. Now, usually I like to hide in the back row, but this class was so packed that I had to move to the middle. I tried not worry about blocking the view for the gals behind me…which I am sure I did anyways.
I danced. It hurt. My stomach hurt. My muscles ached. My back was tight….and so, I thought about just doing 30 minutes and leaving. But that isn’t who I want to be anymore. The half-assed way is not ok. So, instead, I forced myself to think about how great it will feel in 9 months, when I am on the beach in Maui. I envisioned myself barefoot, sun kissed and wearing a cute Hawaiian sundress. I saw myself dancing and laughing to the music on the beach with my hubby and my daughter. I thought about it to the point where I closed my eyes, and let the music move me…and it did. I found myself smiling and thinking that I will remember this day, this class. The one I almost left. In December, when I am on that beach, I will choose to think about how I stayed in this class, in this moment and how I earned every single second of it.
I left the gym and felt renewed, energized and ready for my weigh in and measurements. I got home and went to get a glass of water and found this note from my husband:
All things are difficult before they are easy.
-Thomas Fuller
AHHHH! What perfect timing he has!! I still don’t know what I did to deserve this guy. He is my rock. He is my biggest fan. He is amazing.
Into the living room I floated, smiling and eager to take my measurements.
I am so proud to say that I have lost a total of 9.25 inches!
When I started this project, I set some ground rules. I would blog and weigh in weekly. I would take measurements and post pictures monthly. No matter what.
Yesterday was March 1. I had to weigh in, take measurements and post a photo...and I was NOT looking forward to it. All day, I was filled with a bit of anxiety. My family had gotten together the night before and indulged in pizza, bread sticks, wings and chocolate silk pie….WHAT? Needless to say, I was NOT feeling well. In fact, I was pretty nauseous all day. I am not going to do that again or anytime soon. It’s just not the way I can or want to eat. But, it’s exactly the way I ate for years…almost daily.
Feeling ill and unmotivated, I almost didn’t go to the gym. But, knowing that I am committed to blog, measure, weigh and take a picture, well, it got my butt moving. Unwillingly, I went to my Zumba class. Now, usually I like to hide in the back row, but this class was so packed that I had to move to the middle. I tried not worry about blocking the view for the gals behind me…which I am sure I did anyways.
I danced. It hurt. My stomach hurt. My muscles ached. My back was tight….and so, I thought about just doing 30 minutes and leaving. But that isn’t who I want to be anymore. The half-assed way is not ok. So, instead, I forced myself to think about how great it will feel in 9 months, when I am on the beach in Maui. I envisioned myself barefoot, sun kissed and wearing a cute Hawaiian sundress. I saw myself dancing and laughing to the music on the beach with my hubby and my daughter. I thought about it to the point where I closed my eyes, and let the music move me…and it did. I found myself smiling and thinking that I will remember this day, this class. The one I almost left. In December, when I am on that beach, I will choose to think about how I stayed in this class, in this moment and how I earned every single second of it.
I left the gym and felt renewed, energized and ready for my weigh in and measurements. I got home and went to get a glass of water and found this note from my husband:
-Thomas Fuller
AHHHH! What perfect timing he has!! I still don’t know what I did to deserve this guy. He is my rock. He is my biggest fan. He is amazing.
Into the living room I floated, smiling and eager to take my measurements.
I am so proud to say that I have lost a total of 9.25 inches! Arms: -1.75
Hips -2.5
Tummy -5.0 <<<< YAY!
My bust and thighs seem to have stayed the same, which is fine. I am way more motivated by my arms and tummy. The weigh in stayed the same as last week—I have lost less than 5 lbs. But, the measurements---well, HOLLA!
So, it’s working. IT IS WORKING!!!
Here is my latest pic.
Thanks for taking this voyage with me.
Hip Hop class tonight, ahhhh yeah!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Feeling Like A Big Loser
I weighed in on Wednesday. I lost 1.2 lbs. YAY! But, it’s not what I was looking for. BOO!
I am waiting for that “HOLY CRAP” week where 8 lbs is gone. I know my April goal may be unrealistic. But, I am determined to hang in there. But, I am struggling, emotionally.
Normally, I am hyper, happy and optimistic about the future. I try to carry myself in the light and vibrations of the positive energy that I want to be surrounded with. This week, I feel like I hit a wall.
I didn’t anticipate this journey to be SO HARD, like right away. Maybe this is exactly why my doctor told me to start seeing my therapist as I start this new way of life.
During my second workout with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer, I was teary-eyed as I recounted my last 5 weeks of that thing they call “Gym Life.” I wasn’t a blubbering mess, like those people on The Biggest Loser—but at one point, I SO could have gone there.
Working out and doing something good for my life, health and heart makes me feel a little bit guilty. Why? I have no idea. Am I falling prey to the monumental meltdowns that we see on America’s favorite show? Maybe I am.
I think that I should start a gratitude journal or donate to charity because working out has brought up some pretty deep shit that I have suppressed or just plain ignored. My mind knows that no one had a perfect life. No one made all the right choices. No one reacted perfectly to things. So, basically I am no one…which is just like everyone, right?
When I think about all the mistakes of my life, I immediately start thinking about cake and frosting and any other sweet carbs. The problem is, I am my worst enemy and I tend to obsess on these thoughts when the mood hits. Notice how I began this paragraph with a negative thought? That is a problem.
So, for the next few weeks, I am going to change the way I think. I need to think of all the GOOD things and decisions I have made in my life, and there is no better time to start than right now.
1. I made a good decision to marry best friend. We are not the same people we were 5 or 10 years ago, and yet, we have reached love on a level that has no words. Our union is sacred. I have never been happier.
2. Our daughter is amazing in ways that I never was at her age. She loves life. She says what she feels. She is confident, polite, thoughtful and gracious. She is an amazing young lady and I am in awe of her light.
3. I always wanted to perform comedy and write for a living. And now, I am doing just that. When you do something you truly love, you become your true self. This is me, being present in my own life, for once. I love it.
4. I am blessed with a great support system. I have the BEST friends and family that anyone could ever ask for. They are talented, creative, forgiving, loving and true.
So thank you for sharing my burden. I am so lucky and grateful to all of you who have emailed me, commented and listened to me try to figure out why I am hiding in this big-girl shell. There’s a pearl in here somewhere….I believe that. Hopefully I’ll find it soon and then we can all celebrate with pearl necklaces….DOH!
I am waiting for that “HOLY CRAP” week where 8 lbs is gone. I know my April goal may be unrealistic. But, I am determined to hang in there. But, I am struggling, emotionally.
Normally, I am hyper, happy and optimistic about the future. I try to carry myself in the light and vibrations of the positive energy that I want to be surrounded with. This week, I feel like I hit a wall.
I didn’t anticipate this journey to be SO HARD, like right away. Maybe this is exactly why my doctor told me to start seeing my therapist as I start this new way of life.
During my second workout with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer, I was teary-eyed as I recounted my last 5 weeks of that thing they call “Gym Life.” I wasn’t a blubbering mess, like those people on The Biggest Loser—but at one point, I SO could have gone there.
Working out and doing something good for my life, health and heart makes me feel a little bit guilty. Why? I have no idea. Am I falling prey to the monumental meltdowns that we see on America’s favorite show? Maybe I am.
I think that I should start a gratitude journal or donate to charity because working out has brought up some pretty deep shit that I have suppressed or just plain ignored. My mind knows that no one had a perfect life. No one made all the right choices. No one reacted perfectly to things. So, basically I am no one…which is just like everyone, right?
When I think about all the mistakes of my life, I immediately start thinking about cake and frosting and any other sweet carbs. The problem is, I am my worst enemy and I tend to obsess on these thoughts when the mood hits. Notice how I began this paragraph with a negative thought? That is a problem.
So, for the next few weeks, I am going to change the way I think. I need to think of all the GOOD things and decisions I have made in my life, and there is no better time to start than right now.
1. I made a good decision to marry best friend. We are not the same people we were 5 or 10 years ago, and yet, we have reached love on a level that has no words. Our union is sacred. I have never been happier.
2. Our daughter is amazing in ways that I never was at her age. She loves life. She says what she feels. She is confident, polite, thoughtful and gracious. She is an amazing young lady and I am in awe of her light.
3. I always wanted to perform comedy and write for a living. And now, I am doing just that. When you do something you truly love, you become your true self. This is me, being present in my own life, for once. I love it.
4. I am blessed with a great support system. I have the BEST friends and family that anyone could ever ask for. They are talented, creative, forgiving, loving and true.
So thank you for sharing my burden. I am so lucky and grateful to all of you who have emailed me, commented and listened to me try to figure out why I am hiding in this big-girl shell. There’s a pearl in here somewhere….I believe that. Hopefully I’ll find it soon and then we can all celebrate with pearl necklaces….DOH!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
A Bloody Mess
ZOMG….ok, so this may not be suitable for male audience members. It might be funny, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Question: What do you healthy gals do when Aunt Flow makes her way into town and reeks havoc with your guts in a way that makes you want to vomit split pea soup, cry and inhale fried food?
Do you:
A) Go to the gym, there is no excuse.
B) Go to the gym. Walk around. Splash some water on your face and breathe hard in order to look like you worked out.
C) Stay at home, curled up with a blanket…watching Oprah…oh, and cut your finger with a knife because I’m 5 and apparently I don’t know how to use one yet…
I did C. In a big way. In fact, my thumb should probably have stitches in it, but this is the year that I am NOT going to the doctor…remember? Plus, I can just imagine how the conversation would go with my doctor:
Doc: So, how did this happen?
Me: I was cutting grapes off the vine..with a steak knife.
Doc: You know that grapes a can just be pulled off the vine, right?
Me: Yeah, but I thought this would be faster.
Doc: So, the knife was pointed sharp-end up?
Me: Yup.
Doc: Do you know how to use a knife?
Me: Look Doc, fix it, ok. My mom raised me right, but I am a fucking airhead and I felt like shit because I have a vice grip in my uterus and I can’t make it go away, and so, in a desperate attempt to NOT consume all the hamburgers, cheeses, chocolate, cakes and candy bars in the greater Sacramento Area—and because I felt guilty for NOT going to the gym—I tried to cut off a vine of grapes in hopes that by eating it, my cravings would stop, all the while saving the bad food for the general public. K?
Doc: Well it's been too many hours now. I can’t fix it, here's a butterfly band-aid and a sticker. That will be $40.
Me: FUUUUCKCKKKK.
So now, I am at work. Typing without the use of my left thumb and still feeling guilty for not going to the gym last night…then again, I still have a vice grip in my uterus and don’t think that would be a good idea after all. By the way--have you ever tried to uhm...take care of your monthly womanhood without the use of thumbs? Highly difficult. I don't recommend it.
I am going to Hip-Hop tonight. And I will still weigh in and post tonight as well. Here is a recent picture—and a shameless plug for my comedy show this Saturday Night only at "The Comedy Spot" in Sacramento, at 8pm. this is a picture I actually like...a semi-full body shot that shows my now-baggy red t-shirt.... :)
This blog thing is like a personal trainer that was hired for me as a gift, prepaid and always checking in. But, it’s working. And, that is the main point, right?
Question: What do you healthy gals do when Aunt Flow makes her way into town and reeks havoc with your guts in a way that makes you want to vomit split pea soup, cry and inhale fried food?
Do you:
A) Go to the gym, there is no excuse.
B) Go to the gym. Walk around. Splash some water on your face and breathe hard in order to look like you worked out.
C) Stay at home, curled up with a blanket…watching Oprah…oh, and cut your finger with a knife because I’m 5 and apparently I don’t know how to use one yet…
I did C. In a big way. In fact, my thumb should probably have stitches in it, but this is the year that I am NOT going to the doctor…remember? Plus, I can just imagine how the conversation would go with my doctor:
Doc: So, how did this happen?
Me: I was cutting grapes off the vine..with a steak knife.
Doc: You know that grapes a can just be pulled off the vine, right?
Me: Yeah, but I thought this would be faster.
Doc: So, the knife was pointed sharp-end up?
Me: Yup.
Doc: Do you know how to use a knife?
Me: Look Doc, fix it, ok. My mom raised me right, but I am a fucking airhead and I felt like shit because I have a vice grip in my uterus and I can’t make it go away, and so, in a desperate attempt to NOT consume all the hamburgers, cheeses, chocolate, cakes and candy bars in the greater Sacramento Area—and because I felt guilty for NOT going to the gym—I tried to cut off a vine of grapes in hopes that by eating it, my cravings would stop, all the while saving the bad food for the general public. K?
Doc: Well it's been too many hours now. I can’t fix it, here's a butterfly band-aid and a sticker. That will be $40.
Me: FUUUUCKCKKKK.
So now, I am at work. Typing without the use of my left thumb and still feeling guilty for not going to the gym last night…then again, I still have a vice grip in my uterus and don’t think that would be a good idea after all. By the way--have you ever tried to uhm...take care of your monthly womanhood without the use of thumbs? Highly difficult. I don't recommend it.
I am going to Hip-Hop tonight. And I will still weigh in and post tonight as well. Here is a recent picture—and a shameless plug for my comedy show this Saturday Night only at "The Comedy Spot" in Sacramento, at 8pm. this is a picture I actually like...a semi-full body shot that shows my now-baggy red t-shirt.... :)
This blog thing is like a personal trainer that was hired for me as a gift, prepaid and always checking in. But, it’s working. And, that is the main point, right?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Is that a muscle?
While driving home last night, I rolled the window down, rested my head in my hand. In the mirror, I caught a glimpse of my arm...but saw something different. Could it be a little bit of definition?
I flexed my arm to reveal a little muscle...omg! I have a little bit of muscle in my arms!! YAY ME!
This SO makes up for not losing ANY weight in the past two weeks. As a matter of fact, according to my scale, I gained 3 lbs over the weekend. As I weighed in last night, those faux pounds are gone and I am still at 224.2. But I am beginning to believe that phrase "muscle weighs more than fat."
I am still eating about 1200-1400 calories a day. I have my days where I have eaten more, and I have paid for it. My mini bat-wings are shrinking. My legs are so sore, I feel like they will snap if I walk too fast. But, I am pushing forward...no matter what. I see the changes happening and I am motivated to see more!
I flexed my arm to reveal a little muscle...omg! I have a little bit of muscle in my arms!! YAY ME!
This SO makes up for not losing ANY weight in the past two weeks. As a matter of fact, according to my scale, I gained 3 lbs over the weekend. As I weighed in last night, those faux pounds are gone and I am still at 224.2. But I am beginning to believe that phrase "muscle weighs more than fat."
I am still eating about 1200-1400 calories a day. I have my days where I have eaten more, and I have paid for it. My mini bat-wings are shrinking. My legs are so sore, I feel like they will snap if I walk too fast. But, I am pushing forward...no matter what. I see the changes happening and I am motivated to see more!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Week 4: The Voices Within
I inadvertently entered Week 4 with a hangover from a long, wonderful Valentine’s evening with my amazing husband. I had forgotten that I had scheduled my first personal training appointment for the day after Valentine’s Day. We don’t typically celebrate this Hallmark holiday with such vigor, however, my sister requested to have a sleepover with our daughter and we took the opportunity to party like it was 1998…(I was pregnant for the majority of 1999).
Now, a level-headed person would have taken it easy for the day, perhaps taken a nap. But not me, I ran out of time. My Becca was heading back to Afghanistan and her going away barbeque was set for three hours before my appointment. But it’s ME, I mean; I can totally handle this…except for the little issue of all my favorite foods being offered at the party.
I have absolutely no will power. I dined on bad-for-me food for two hours. And that’s not the worst part…my brain had the most awful dialogue going on:
Me: Grrrr. I have to workout.
Not me: No you don’t. You can totally call it a day and start tomorrow, clean slate. By the way, that cream cheese torte is amazing. Let’s get more.
Me: No. I need to do this. My blog is due tomorrow, and I have to weigh in this week.
Not me: No you don’t. Who cares? No one reads it anyways. Plus, when’s the last time you actually went through with something?
Me: Damn it! Shut up! I will do this and I will feel it and push through.
Not me: Yeah, right. What is this, week 4? Wow. So, like, are you going to quit in week 6 or 8? Oh, look, your favorite cookies with frosting on top.
Me: YUMMY!
Not me: See? That was delicious. You should stay here with me; I’ll comfort you with more of these…
Me: No. I’m going to work out….now.
Not me: Ok, well you don’t have to give it 100%.
……….and then I met with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer.I told her I was full of bad food and hung over and sad that my friend was leaving again, and she said “well, this workout will take your mind off all of those things, at least for an hour.”
She wasn’t kidding...so I gave it 110% (so suck it “Not me!”)
She. Worked. My. Ass. Off. Today, I can barely walk. But I did it.
And, I felt GREAT! I accomplished my first appointment. And even though I am tired, sad, and craving cake, candy, crackers—anything that will make me feel better-- I won’t give in. I will refrain. After all, I can’t miss my hip-hop class tonight.
Not Me: You don’t have to go. Look how sore you are! You can barely walk. Let’s get pizza……
Now, a level-headed person would have taken it easy for the day, perhaps taken a nap. But not me, I ran out of time. My Becca was heading back to Afghanistan and her going away barbeque was set for three hours before my appointment. But it’s ME, I mean; I can totally handle this…except for the little issue of all my favorite foods being offered at the party.
I have absolutely no will power. I dined on bad-for-me food for two hours. And that’s not the worst part…my brain had the most awful dialogue going on:
Me: Grrrr. I have to workout.
Not me: No you don’t. You can totally call it a day and start tomorrow, clean slate. By the way, that cream cheese torte is amazing. Let’s get more.
Me: No. I need to do this. My blog is due tomorrow, and I have to weigh in this week.
Not me: No you don’t. Who cares? No one reads it anyways. Plus, when’s the last time you actually went through with something?
Me: Damn it! Shut up! I will do this and I will feel it and push through.
Not me: Yeah, right. What is this, week 4? Wow. So, like, are you going to quit in week 6 or 8? Oh, look, your favorite cookies with frosting on top.
Me: YUMMY!
Not me: See? That was delicious. You should stay here with me; I’ll comfort you with more of these…
Me: No. I’m going to work out….now.
Not me: Ok, well you don’t have to give it 100%.
……….and then I met with my German-as-a-first-language personal trainer.I told her I was full of bad food and hung over and sad that my friend was leaving again, and she said “well, this workout will take your mind off all of those things, at least for an hour.”
She wasn’t kidding...so I gave it 110% (so suck it “Not me!”)
She. Worked. My. Ass. Off. Today, I can barely walk. But I did it.
And, I felt GREAT! I accomplished my first appointment. And even though I am tired, sad, and craving cake, candy, crackers—anything that will make me feel better-- I won’t give in. I will refrain. After all, I can’t miss my hip-hop class tonight.
Not Me: You don’t have to go. Look how sore you are! You can barely walk. Let’s get pizza……
Thursday, February 11, 2010
"Holla" for High Cholesterol
This is just great.
So, I had a doctor’s appointment in order to get all "my numbers." You know those numbers that tell you if you're at risk for developing heart disease, cancer, diabetes, an extra head and/or spontaneously combusting? Well, I passed in all the areas except for my cholesterol, which is lower than I have ever had it since 2003 but high enough for the doctor to want to put me on meds.
Here are my numbers. Unlike my measurements, and ion honor of Hear Health Month, I will divulge these.
Cholesterol: 222 (should be under 200)
Triglycerides: 127 (should be under 150, so I am ok!)
HDL (GOOD): 51 (should be over 50, but above 60 is best)
LDL (BAD): 148 (Needs to be under 100. 100-129 is ok.)
I begged and pleaded. I was all "give me 3 months. I am SO totally working out, like 5 days a week and I love it." She said ok. Then she told me I had to stop eating Cheese….REALLY? Well, ok. I can do that since it’s bad for my tummy anyways. But I am going to be a brat about it.
So people, I have 3 months exactly to bring my numbers down.Glad I know, but I will miss you sweet cheese.....
So, I had a doctor’s appointment in order to get all "my numbers." You know those numbers that tell you if you're at risk for developing heart disease, cancer, diabetes, an extra head and/or spontaneously combusting? Well, I passed in all the areas except for my cholesterol, which is lower than I have ever had it since 2003 but high enough for the doctor to want to put me on meds.
Here are my numbers. Unlike my measurements, and ion honor of Hear Health Month, I will divulge these.
Cholesterol: 222 (should be under 200)
Triglycerides: 127 (should be under 150, so I am ok!)
HDL (GOOD): 51 (should be over 50, but above 60 is best)
LDL (BAD): 148 (Needs to be under 100. 100-129 is ok.)
I begged and pleaded. I was all "give me 3 months. I am SO totally working out, like 5 days a week and I love it." She said ok. Then she told me I had to stop eating Cheese….REALLY? Well, ok. I can do that since it’s bad for my tummy anyways. But I am going to be a brat about it.
So people, I have 3 months exactly to bring my numbers down.Glad I know, but I will miss you sweet cheese.....
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A 1.4 lb Gain :(
I knew this would happen. I know this will happen. After several attempts at Weight Watchers, I know this is ok. It's not a setback. It's just my body, and the way it works. And I am typing this because if I don't keep typing it, I may just scream.
I know this is ok.
I know this is ok.
I know this is ok.
I know this is ok.
There! Well, by looking back at the past 7 days, I realize that this is actually my fault. When I perform comedy, the shows are Wednesday-Sunday, all starting at 8pm. I have to leave my house no later than 7:15pm...On Friday and Saturday, there are two shows, which make me get home at about 1am. So, it was impossible for me to hit the gym during the week, but what's my excuse for not going on the weekend? Uhm...Superbowl? Yeah, I just didn't go, and this is what I got. So, there. I was lazy. And now I have a cold.
Last night, my already-ten-pound-lighter-husband lovingly encouraged me (in the Marine Corps, we sweat it out, don't be a sissy, let's go!) to go to the gym. I did. I hopped on the elliptical machine for a mile, and even though it took me 15 minutes, I do feel good today....so thanks, Leatherneck.
I also met with my trainer who took my measurements and BMI. It wasn't fun. I probably should tell you my numbers, but they are too big for this page, you may need a second monitor to see them...*sigh*.
Anyways, back to HIP HOP class tonight, H2O class tomorrow, Zumba on Thursday, H20 on Friday and Saturday. Let's see what I can do by Monday!
I know this is ok.
I know this is ok.
I know this is ok.
I know this is ok.
There! Well, by looking back at the past 7 days, I realize that this is actually my fault. When I perform comedy, the shows are Wednesday-Sunday, all starting at 8pm. I have to leave my house no later than 7:15pm...On Friday and Saturday, there are two shows, which make me get home at about 1am. So, it was impossible for me to hit the gym during the week, but what's my excuse for not going on the weekend? Uhm...Superbowl? Yeah, I just didn't go, and this is what I got. So, there. I was lazy. And now I have a cold.
Last night, my already-ten-pound-lighter-husband lovingly encouraged me (in the Marine Corps, we sweat it out, don't be a sissy, let's go!) to go to the gym. I did. I hopped on the elliptical machine for a mile, and even though it took me 15 minutes, I do feel good today....so thanks, Leatherneck.
I also met with my trainer who took my measurements and BMI. It wasn't fun. I probably should tell you my numbers, but they are too big for this page, you may need a second monitor to see them...*sigh*.
Anyways, back to HIP HOP class tonight, H2O class tomorrow, Zumba on Thursday, H20 on Friday and Saturday. Let's see what I can do by Monday!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A 2.7 lb loss!
I have been working my ass off. Did you hear that? I have literally worked out for the last 8 days for at least one hour per day. I have counted the calories that I put in my mouth and been careful to not exceed 1,200 (except for a girls night out and a potluck at work). And, although I am pretty happy that I have stuck to my new routine, I am hungry... seriously hungry. No one warns you about this. Perhaps the trainer that I paid $300 for will tell me...when she finally calls. Oh, Cal Fit-- great gym, nice staff--bad follow-up.
Anyways, I am happy to announce my first minor milestone. I weighed myself tonight and was excited to see a 2.7lb loss!! I also took a full-body picture, and at the risk of evoking a massive puke fest, I am still committed to posting it, but it will be on Thursday because my camera cord is at work and I'm off tomorrow so I can have a spa day with my Becca.
So, this working-out thing that you healthy people do may actually be working... time to set some small goals.
On September 29, we will celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary. Our big goal this year is to spend either Thanksgiving or Christmas in Maui. But, small goals are important too. So, today I will set a goal to be at 199 lbs by April 1…no, this is not an April Fools Joke. This will be a major achievement. I have not weighed less than 200 lbs since my daughter was a year old. In fact, I lost a lot of the baby weight after having her, only to gain all of it back…and then some.
What I have learned in the past week is that I like to move my body. I really like it. And my gym offers a lot of different classes. So far, my schedule is Monday-Zumba, Tuesday-Hip Hop, Wednesday-H20 Aerobics, Thursday-Zumba, Friday and Saturday-H20 Aerobics and Sunday, I walk. Moving to the music and trying out new moves makes me really miss dancing in the clubs. In my early twenties, I lived there. But now, as I feel my inner-Beyonce come out, I sometimes glance into the mirror and see my reality. And, it's not pretty.
So, am I determined or defeated? Well, that's an interesting question, so I am glad you asked. Although I am scared, I am more determined than I have ever been in my life. I know that this will not happen over night. I am inspired from within. Each day that I enter that gym and I see the healthy people walk around, I know that a year from now, I will be one of them. And, perhaps there will be a cute, short, fat girl walking around in an insecure daze. And, maybe she will be looking at me and maybe, I will approach her and say "stick with it girl, cuz I was in your shoes a year ago...by the way--like my tan? Thanks, I got it in MAUI."
Anyways, I am happy to announce my first minor milestone. I weighed myself tonight and was excited to see a 2.7lb loss!! I also took a full-body picture, and at the risk of evoking a massive puke fest, I am still committed to posting it, but it will be on Thursday because my camera cord is at work and I'm off tomorrow so I can have a spa day with my Becca.
So, this working-out thing that you healthy people do may actually be working... time to set some small goals.
On September 29, we will celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary. Our big goal this year is to spend either Thanksgiving or Christmas in Maui. But, small goals are important too. So, today I will set a goal to be at 199 lbs by April 1…no, this is not an April Fools Joke. This will be a major achievement. I have not weighed less than 200 lbs since my daughter was a year old. In fact, I lost a lot of the baby weight after having her, only to gain all of it back…and then some.
What I have learned in the past week is that I like to move my body. I really like it. And my gym offers a lot of different classes. So far, my schedule is Monday-Zumba, Tuesday-Hip Hop, Wednesday-H20 Aerobics, Thursday-Zumba, Friday and Saturday-H20 Aerobics and Sunday, I walk. Moving to the music and trying out new moves makes me really miss dancing in the clubs. In my early twenties, I lived there. But now, as I feel my inner-Beyonce come out, I sometimes glance into the mirror and see my reality. And, it's not pretty.
So, am I determined or defeated? Well, that's an interesting question, so I am glad you asked. Although I am scared, I am more determined than I have ever been in my life. I know that this will not happen over night. I am inspired from within. Each day that I enter that gym and I see the healthy people walk around, I know that a year from now, I will be one of them. And, perhaps there will be a cute, short, fat girl walking around in an insecure daze. And, maybe she will be looking at me and maybe, I will approach her and say "stick with it girl, cuz I was in your shoes a year ago...by the way--like my tan? Thanks, I got it in MAUI."
Friday, January 29, 2010
Bring It On
So, it's here. The blog that I have dreamed about and debated for over six months. I didn't gain weight in order to start the blog, but I am determined to lose my weight this year and my journey begins here. I hope you'll join me.
As a comedianne, I am inspired by crowds. The more they laugh, applaud and cheer, the higher I get. I intend to use this platform as a way to virtually perform for you as I make my way to being featured on the cover of some amazing magazine...I mean, healthy.
My story is similar to anyone else's you've seen on Biggest Loser, or heard from any other overweight, unhappy person. And if you're reading this, and you're overweight and happy--good for you. But in reality, it's depressing and you know it.
This blog is meant to be entertaining and very narcissistic. Those who follow probably love me as much as I love myself, so thanks. I may piss some people off (see paragraph above) and that's ok too. That is what the comment section is for.
So here I am, and here we go....bring it on.
As a comedianne, I am inspired by crowds. The more they laugh, applaud and cheer, the higher I get. I intend to use this platform as a way to virtually perform for you as I make my way to being featured on the cover of some amazing magazine...I mean, healthy.
My story is similar to anyone else's you've seen on Biggest Loser, or heard from any other overweight, unhappy person. And if you're reading this, and you're overweight and happy--good for you. But in reality, it's depressing and you know it.
This blog is meant to be entertaining and very narcissistic. Those who follow probably love me as much as I love myself, so thanks. I may piss some people off (see paragraph above) and that's ok too. That is what the comment section is for.
So here I am, and here we go....bring it on.
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