Thursday, March 11, 2010

Driving Miss Daisy

I love the conversations I have with Daisy while we drive home from the gym. Usually, we are both full of adrenaline and hyper and so we sing, make farting noises or talk about how much we can’t wait to goto the mall and buy glittery things.



But sometimes, we talk about serious stuff.



Monday night was no exception. The topic was reincarnation—because that is what inquiring ten-year old minds want to know—right? Anyways, as we discussed the possibility of re-embodiment, we ended up with one of the most hilarious conversations that I have ever had with anyone. It went a little something like this:



Daisy: What is reincarnation?

Mom: Some people believe that when you die, your soul goes into another living person, or animal.



Daisy: I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone else. I think I have always been in your tummy or Daddy’s tummy.



Mom: Ahhh, that’s sweet. You know, you were never technically in daddy’s tummy….



WHOOPS! Here is one of those times where I am talking and not thinking. (FYI--I do talk casually to my daughter about these things. Although she is well aware of the anatomically correct names for body parts, in our home we use real-life words. She’s being raised by a Marine and a Comedienne –what do you expect?)



Daisy: I wasn’t? Well, where was I?



Mom: uhm…you were a sperm, in his balls.



Daisy: EWWWWW!! HAHAHAHA!! EWWWW!!!



Mom: LOL



And then there was silence, followed by a long, drawn out......



Daisy: Sooooooooooooooooooooo….



Mom: (uh-oh, here comes the birds and bees conversation….again)



Daisy: So I was a sperm in dad’s balls….HAHAHAHA



Mom: Yes, along with a million others…but you made it into my tummy!



Daisy: So daddy put me in your tummy?



Mom: Uh, Yeah. (sigh).



It’s not that I wasn’t prepared for the birds and bees conversation, it just reminded me of the first conversation we had when she was about 6, and I simply told her that daddy has seeds that he puts in mommy’s tummy and then a baby grows…Daisy proceeded to squeal “OOOH!! Daddy has seeds? I love (sunflower) seeds, did you eat them?”….and I replied, “Only on anniversaries….” I digress.



Daisy is quiet. I can almost hear the wheels spinning in her head like a cracked-out hamster running on a wheel. Then she says:



Daisy: hmmmmmm….I wonder what I looked like.



Mom: BAHAHAHAH—what you looked like? Like what you were wearing?



Daisy: Yeah! I bet I was wearing a pink bow and a ponytail, so my hair didn’t get messed up.



Mom: BAHAHAHAHH



Daisy: ……and I probably had my peace sign necklace on. And then I was like, “I’m OUTTA here!!”



Mom: LMAO



Daisy: (laughing) what mom?



Mom: Do you know what sperm looks like?



Daisy: no, what?



Mom: It looks like a tadpole. You aren’t wearing any clothes; you’re just a tadpole with a tail, and no arms.



Daisy: OH!



Knowing now that she is entertaining me, my little passenger sits up straight in her seat, puts her arms to the side and squirms like, well, a sperm…and says: “I bet I was all, ‘I wish I had arms!’ ”



Mom: OMFG, LMAOOOOO with tears....



Daisy: that’s funny, huh mom?



Mom: Uh, yeah. Like, I-might-use-it-on-stage-this-week-funny.



Daisy: I wish I could say it on stage.



Mom: You totally can. Let me know when and where and I will let you!



Daisy: How would I start it?



Mom: Uh, maybe by saying, hi I’m Daisy and I’m 10 years old----



Daisy: Interrupts me---Oh, I know…Hi I’m Daisy and I’m 10 years old which means a little more than ten years ago I was in my daddy’s balls.



Mom: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO



It. Doesn’t. End. There.



Last night, I said her joke on stage. It killed. And then when I got home, and told Rich about it, my darling husband informed me that Daisy had continued the conversation with him while they drove home from the gym….it went something like this:



Daisy: Did mommy tell you about my joke?



Dad: Yes. Do you want to tell it to me?



Daisy: No, I’m not going to tell you the joke, but it was about me being a sperm.



Dad: _______(insert cricket noise here)_______



Daisy: Yeah. I was thinking about what I looked like. I probably had my ponytail, pink bow and my necklace. But, I probably also had my locket with a picture of you two, my backpack…..and fins…so I could be the fastest. Here is a picture:

ROTFLMAO!



Ahhhhhh, Daisy, our sweet girl…yes, you were the fastest, and the cutest, and the smartest and I am so glad you were the one that made it into our lives.



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