SURPRISE!

Wishful Thinking


They say to be careful what you wish for. My friend says to be clear when you wish for it. She was clear and concise, and during the past year, we have seen her achieve her wishes on so many levels and completely redirect the course of her life.

And maybe I subscribed to this way of thinking years ago, but in the day-to-day happenings in life, I had forgotten to use this meditation to direct my own life.

I used to use positive thinking often.

It worked right before I met my husband. I wrote out everything I wanted in a man, and I wrapped it around a rose quartz and I slept near it for weeks. Within a couple of months, I had met the love of my life.

It worked when he told me that he had goals. He was 26 and he told me that he would be married, have a child and own a home before he was 30 years old. He did it. We did it.

It worked when I wished that we would have a perfect baby. We did.

But it didn’t work when we wanted another baby. In fact, it backfired. Struggling with secondary infertility is something we did in silence. Undiagnosed, this is the year that we were to find out medically, why.

At times, we were content with just having our daughter, and we have been in that mindset for years. Although at times, as others in our lives have had babies, it has brought up some deep emotions….perhaps I wasn’t phrasing the question correctly?

I use to say “Yeah, I’d love to have another kid, but obviously we can’t.” I even resorted to just telling people we were infertile.

Last year, we started discussing fostering a child this year. We were both starting to discuss the age we would like, and the gender and how it would all work out. We had come to a peaceful acceptance that another biological child wasn’t in our future. But we were open for more children in our lives. So I started envisioning a child. A happy, healthy child in our home. I started shopping for furniture for this child, because in order to foster, you must provide certain pieces of furniture. At night, I would picture that child, happy and safe in our home.

But that’s not truly what I envisioned. I saw a baby. A healthy and happy baby. And when my dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I held his head in my hands and tearfully told him that if he is going to leave us, he better come back as my son.

Careful what you wish for....I am pregnant.

Rich always just told me that God had a plan and if it’s meant to be, then it will be. Well God has a sense of humor, because assuming all goes well, our children will be 12 years apart.

I am thrilled, scared, nervous, happy, tickled and sick. But, I keep repeating this mantra -- STRONG-HEALTHY.

It’s been an interesting few weeks into the New Year, and if all goes well, I think it might be our second-best year of our lives.

I am not technically naming the child after our dog, but "Scooby" could be a middle name, right?

Stay tuned.