Final Time - 46.41

WE DID IT!~

And I didn't walk a whole lot, but I did stop for short intervals in order to regain my focus--oh, by the 3 mile marker-- I had catch my breath because I was crying so hard. This is a small goal that was set, and accomplished and I feel GREAT. Thank you all for your encouragement, support and love. I felt it today. I'll write more later, time to hang out with the family.....

Running on Everything

This is it! The 5k is in less than two days and I am as ready as I will ever be!

My husband and I ran last week and he got to listen to my iPod for the first time. He surprised me by saying that I should slow down some of the music so that I can pace myself. He was so right—and for any man to have his wife burst into the house exclaiming that phrase is pretty much like telling him that he just won the lottery.

So I downloaded Drive: Nike+ Original Run by The Crystal Method from the iTunes store. It’s about 45 minutes of pure beats. It starts a little slow and gets going, then brings it back to slower and just when I thought I would start walking again, the beat speeds up and my ears and heart are full of newfound energy-enough to keep me running. At certain points, I serioulsy felt like Brad Pitt in "Burn Before Reading."

I highly recommend this mix to everyone. It kept me on the treadmill for just under 1 full mile—which was the longest I have ran since I started this thing called running! On Saturday, I plan on putting it to the test.

So it’s a big week, the final hoorah. The run, a big comedy show at the legendary Purple Onion where famous comics like Robin Williams, Lenny Bruce, Woody Allen, Richard Pryor, Phyllis Diller (who made her stand-up debut here), the Kingston Trio and the Smothers Brothers (who recorded their first album, Live at the Purple Onion) have all performed. Of course current famous comics like Zach Galifianakis, Todd Barry, Dan Piraro and Judah Friedlander have recently graced the exact stage that we will be standing on tonight. It’s kind of a big deal to us.

And then we celebrate Daisy's birthday and the countdown to Maui begins….which is why I started this blog in February.

I am feeling strong and alive and I am really happy with the space I am in.

I am done beating myself up for not working harder on the training for the run and for not being at my desired goal for our trip. I have shed inches, lost weight and adapted a new lifestyle and attitude toward fitness and health in general and that knowledge is POWER. I have worked though a lot of issues and been able to literally run from my troubles as oppose to eating them.

I know I am a procrastinator and also competitive which is a funny combination. If I had run as hard over the past two months as I have over the past two weeks, I would probably be bored with a measly 5k. But I didn't and I know I need to pace myself Saturday or it will be brutal. However, I know the competitive side of me will most likely target someone there and before I know it, my head will rock back and forth, and my finger will go up in the air as I say "OhHellNaw-there-is-no-way-SHE-is-beating-me!" And before you know it, I will have ran the entire 3.1 miles and then not be able to walk in Maui.

Either way, the fact is--I am proud of myself.

These last 8 months have been hard, humbling and left me vulnerable. But I believe that when you are vulnerable, you are able to truly grow if you want to. I want to. I want this healthy lifestyle. I like eating right and keeping a positive attitude, even when I am low-low-low. I like the smell of the gym and the sweat that pours down my back. I like the way my body feels and how it has shrunken and tightened up and curved. And most of all, I like the example I am setting for the little woman I am raising.

You all have been a huge inspiration for me and I appreciate all the emails, posts and comments. Next week, I am going to post a blog titled “How we planned a trip to Maui on 1 income.” I think it will be very motivating for you all and I think you’ll be surprised at how cheap we did it, and how you can too.

Think of me Saturday morning! Looking forward to telling you how the 5k goes!

My American Pride Runneth Over

My good friend, Rebecca Love came home from Afghanistan yesterday. It was a monumental day for us. Her parents, her childhood best friend, April, myself and my daughter were all present to greet her as soon as she walked off that airplane. Not many know this, but if you have a solider coming home from the war, you are allowed to meet them at the gate. So, as the seven of us waited in anticipation for our camouflage queen to step out of the seemingly never-ending tunnel, six other military men—who we knew were also coming home from the war—stepped off the plane into a sea of strangers. As they looked around for their loved ones, we shook their hands and thanked them for their service. My heart was heavy as the disappointment, or perhaps confusion, washed across their faces when they realized that their loved ones were downstairs. (Like I said, not very many people know that they can obtain a passenger pass and meet their vet at the gate--spread the word).

Anyways, the men walked past us and continued on toward the escalator.

Unbeknownst to these soldiers, there was a small crowd of older vets waiting for them at the bottom of the escalator. They reminded me of my grandfathers, uncles and dad. They wore baseball caps covered in patches and pins, and green or blue satin jackets showing their pride for their unit or ship. They waved American Flags and hugged the six men, bridging a gap that only vets can do—an unspoken gratuitous gesture of hope for a full recovery and a wish for a successful life after being a witness to the unimaginable. Many of the older vets' wives stood next to their decorated husbands. They wore colorful, bedazzled American Flag sweaters and red, white and blue star earrings. It's pretty safe to say that the men who greeted these young soldiers probably did not experience such a welcome in their time. It's a testament to the dedication and allegiance to our nation that keeps them visiting that airport week after week and all I could think of was "God bless them."

As we waited for Becca, a line of passengers stood to our right. They were waiting to get onto the same plane that these war heroes had just stepped off of. None of them paid the six men any attention. I found that odd and sad, but then again, in today's non-human-contact era, I was not surprised. Perhaps many would rather text a friend or update his or her Facebook page saying "just saw some military guys returning home-I support our troops!"

As the six men disappeared down the escalator to meet their loved ones, we focused on the tunnel in front of us. Tired people rolled their luggage past us, weary from their long flight and eager to get home. Although the plane carried maybe 200 people, it seemed like a thousand passengers came out of that tunnel before our Becca. Once the pilots exited, we began to get anxious, but just then; a tall, thin, beautiful image emerged at the end of the tunnel. It was her. Our soldier. The one we have missed and written and worried about for over a year. Her face was tired, but lit up when she saw the seven of us stretch up on our tippy toes to meet her gaze (we probably looked like Meerkats!) And then she stepped out of the tunnel! We could have tackled her, and maybe we would have, but all was interrupted by a 10 year old little girl named Daisy, who upon seeing "her Becca" ran and jumped into this soldier's arms. Becca twirled her around and tears were shed. And there it was, our loved one was home safe on her home ground, receiving one of the best things that few have had the pleasure experiencing—a Daisy-hug. I just stood there and took it all in. Words can't express the feeling of witnessing this sweet moment, my friend, the innocence of my overjoyed daughter. Tears happily streamed down my face and then I heard it—a cheering crowd. The long line of awaiting passengers erupted into applause, whistling and hollering and I don't think one of them had a dry eye. I even overheard one man say "Wow! She finally gets to see her daughter!" And THAT made me smile because little did he know, that quite the opposite was true, as I was standing next to Becca's parents and I knew that, no, THESE people get to see THEIR daughter.

I will never forget the embrace that touched so many yesterday in a Sacramento Airport in California. But I walked away sad that this moment was what touched the hearts of so many—not the fact that six American heroes stepped off that same plane moments earlier and were greeted by a silent crowd. Although we did not witness the family reunion that awaited those men at the bottom of the staircase—they are just as important to many friends, family and American citizens as our Becca is to us.

So, if for some chance, you see a solider in an airport, shake his or her hand. Clap for the ones that come off the plane. Look in their eyes—that have seen more than we ever will—and say THANK YOU. And for God's sake if you can, buy that solider a cold beer.


Welcome home Becca. We sure missed you.

Worry Knot

Clearly understand, there isn't any situation that isn't made worse by worry. Worry never solves anything. Worry never prevents anything. Worry never heals anything. Worry serves only one purpose... it makes matters worse.
~Bob Procter


I’m a worrier. I am worried about the 5k. Worried I will not be able to run it all. Worried that my heart has some defect that no one knows about until it’s too late, and I will fall, die and not be able to goto Hawaii. I am worried about Hawaii-falling off the road to Hana, salmonella poisoning, sleeping in a bug-infested bed, sharks, jellyfish, riptides and the plane-oh the plane-what if???? My father in-law told me not to worry about things in the water because they have a really big net out there that keeps the big fish away, so I suppose I can stop worrying about that. But what if there is a hole in the net?

I am a bona-fide worrier. I worry about this too—I worry that I will stop this blog, get really, super fat again and just be that way the rest of my life.

I worry about daily things too—like farting on stage, really loud and then having to finish my set. I worry about offending people. I worry that one day I won’t be able to make money in comedy—and I also worry about the person I will be if I ever do get a big break.

I worry about my loved ones and my friends (a lot), I worry about my financial future, I worry about germs and roller coasters and my daughter and people in third-world countries. I think about a lot of other things, but I don’t want to worry you.

And sometimes, I worry that the gravitational pull of the universe is just going to stop one day and we will all float into space—and then—and only then—I know I would regret all the worrying I did. What a waste to worry about the present moment right now. The running, the losing weight, the trip to Hawaii and how I should have really enjoyed this time.

So I’m focused on changing the way I worry these next two weeks. With the help of Xanax, friends and family I plan on enjoying every second of next week beginning with good workouts and ending with my first 5k.

You get one life peeps—let’s live it UP. Have a great weekend.

The Final Countdown

Where's Europe when you need them? Que 1980’s rocker music please. Let's see how long this song stays in your head!

So, yeah. It’s the final countdown to the 5k (August 28), I am so not ready. I am, however, on the verge of a frosting binge.

First—Bob Harpers crazy Dip challenge that I posted last week—yeah, I did it—ONE TIME. Holy shit! It made my arms sore for three days! And the Planks? Fughettaboutit—no way. I can’t even hold for 10 seconds—much less 30.

And don’t get me started with the E2 diet—uhm. I read the book—WIN. I planned on trying it, but didn’t. FAIL.

Look, I am probably my biggest critic, but I will be very disappointed if I can’t run the entire race. Even if I run like an old lady—fast walking—this is an important goal I have set for myself. I also set other goals for my trip to Hawaii, and even though I have achieved some, I have failed miserably at others. So what gives? Sometimes this is just too overwhelming. No amount of inspirational quotes will make me feel like my ultimate goal is obtainable.

Perhaps I have put way too much pressure on myself to achieve so much all at the same time? I have no idea. What I do know, is that part of me feels amazing-strong-happy and sexy-curvy. The other part is saying that I failed and once the trip is over, it makes no sense to continue—open mouth, insert vanilla frosting. I am kidding of course, but these are my inner demons and to quote the profitable Eminem, “I’m exercising these Mother-effers—they’re doing jumping jacks!”

It’s time to create a list of things I am proud of and a list of things I still want to see happen.

Here are a few things I am proud of:

1. I have used my gym membership every week since we bought it in February.

2. I have been praying to God every morning—to help me get through the day in the best possible way I know how.

3. The more I work on my positive thoughts—the more positivity I have attracted.

4. My comedy has been more productive this year than any of the past six years!

5. I have reached out and spent quality time with people who are positive influences in my life.

6. As a couple, we have been set and adhered to boundaries that prevent us from drama, chaos and other types of negative derailments.

7. I like the way I feel after a run, especially on a Saturday morning workout. My mind is clear, my energy soars and I feel alive!

8. I have broken old habits—a few years ago, there is no way I could have continued this journey, in fact, my old self would have stopped blogging long ago. To date, I have missed two weeks worth of entries…and not in a row! HOLLA!

9. I don’t feel like the “fat chick” in public or in a group anymore.

10. I am going to Hawaii—and we paid CASH for the entire trip.


Things I would like to focus on:

1. I haven’t maintained the monthly pics. I wasn’t prepared for the roller coaster of emotions that snapping a photo would create, but sharing those photos keeps me honest!

2. I still have my days when I want to stab the world with a spork, but there are always going to be those days. Again, it’s called life.

3. I need a meal program that works.

I am pretty stoked that the first list is longer! That is a plus!

Basically, I need to set new mini-goals for myself. Once we are back from Hawaii, I will have a total of 3 ½ months until January 1, 2011. That is 3 ½ months of running, eating right and losing. I want to start out 2011 at less than 200 lbs. I think this will be a mental breakthrough that I desperately need because I am hovering around 210-215 and it’s killing my morale.

I think I am just human. A human that has documented my life for the world to see. That makes me pretty vulnerable. But, it has kept me honest and on board. I am committed to this blog because it helps me. And I appreciate all of the input from all of you because there is no better feeling than knowing I am not alone in this fight for health.

This week, I have planned to run 2 -2 .5 miles, twice. And, I made a grocery list for the E2 diet...cuz I am the little engine that could....or at least that's what I've been telling myself. Check out my caboose! TOOT TOOT!

Until next week..... :)